Qweary: Soft Butch Party Attire

Anonymous asked: "I'm a college student that identifies as a soft butch, and I often dress like a frat boy.

"It's how I'm most comfortable dressing, so I don't feel the need to change it. However, when my friends want to go out to a bar or a party, I really never have no idea what to wear because they expect me to wear something "frilly" and that's just not what I'm into. I'm also in a very conservative part of the country, so I can't exactly wear my boy attire either. Help me, please? Thank you!"

This is always a sensitive situation, because as much as I want to say YOU DO YOU, it’s easier said than done when all that outside pressure is combustulating and all you have is the internet to save you from going crazy. I’m sorry that your friends are so heavily influenced by the culture around them about what a female assigned person should wear out. Pressuring you to conform to a gendernormative dress code is not a very friendly thing to do. But Sonny doesn’t judge. They probably mean well.

This kind of reminds me of the anon who wrote in once about the college kid whose friend across the hall was always trying to get her to dress girlier. I still like the advice I gave.

So, here’s the thing. You can dress more like yourself than you realize. There are some soft butchy outfits you can wear that won’t be super threatening to the people in your gender normative conservative area. Check out this post I wrote about Femmeing Down for The Man for ideas on how to pull it off.

What about one of Esther Quek’s perfectly tailored suits and hella adorable andro haircuts?

As Qwear's Founding Editor, Sonny’s work centers around envisioning a future in which the clothing people wear does not dictate their chances of survival. Sonny was awarded 2015 dapperQ of the Year and was the first trans blogger to be sponsored by Topman. In March 2016, Sonny spoke at South by South West's first official queer fashion panel.