Qweary: Overcoming Mental Hump

Qweary: Overcoming Mental Hump

Anonymous asked: "I'm a butch-leaning gay lady who dresses more femininely than I'd like.

"I secretly dream of wearing 'men's' clothes, but I've got two things in the way (at least in my head): long, curly hair and boobs. I just feel like all the sharp-dressed butches out there have short hair and small chests. What advice do you have for getting over this mental hump so I can dress the way I really want?

You’ve already acknowledged that you have a mental hump and had the courage to write in. These are huge strides!

I mean, it’s scary, man. But it feels amazing. Firstly: You can be butch with long, curly hair and boobs. You can be whatever you want. So don’t feel like you have to dress like the other sharply dressed butches to be butch. But you can take inspiration from them if their presentation resonates with you!

Check out A.D.’s hair for short curly ideas. They get a new cut every 3 weeks! 

If you like your chest and just want to wear more masculine items, check out the brands Blake recommends for large chests. Here are some additional tailoring tips.

If you DON’T like your chest and would prefer for it to be smaller or non-existent, check out these flattening sports bras and binding tips

Note: If you feel that you like your boobies some days more than others, that is completely normal. If you try flattening them and then decide it’s not for you, that’s also completely normal. Also check out Genderqueer Fashionista for more bra tips and gender fluid goodness.

Saturate your eyes with body positive and queer positive images to block out all the previous ideas about how you’re supposed to dress! Aside from Qwear (duhh) and the blogs I’ve already mentioned, check out dapperQ,Blake’s TumblrButches Leaning On ThingsJack Tar 207Bklynboihood,Queerbois, and whatever else people leave in the comments!

If you’re still having some issues moving forward, try asking yourself what will happen if you dress the way you want. This can help you problem solve and calm your anxieties. What will you gain? What will you lose? (Thanks, Missy) All these things are worth looking at.

Good luck, friend!

- Sonny

As Qwear's Founding Editor, Sonny’s work centers around envisioning a future in which the clothing people wear does not dictate their chances of survival. Sonny was awarded 2015 dapperQ of the Year and was the first trans blogger to be sponsored by Topman. In March 2016, Sonny spoke at South by South West's first official queer fashion panel.