The Path to Perfect Tresses with Fit For A Femme, Part 1 of 6: Care & Maintenance

Upon my announcement of FFAF’s arrival, an Anon wrote in: “I need to know about FFAF’s perfect tresses. HOW.” So I’m excited to get off to an amazing start with her six-part series on hair. Enjoy! - Sonny

A very charming tomboy once said to me, “Pink, slithery dress and comic book hair. Oh, the places we’ll go.” And goodness, have we ever. So, what’s my secret? I made a first pass at answering this and watched as it quickly slid into two single-spaced, Tumblr-unfriendly pages. Apparently, it all boils down to one’s toolbox and a sense of adventure.

Y’all don’t mind if we make this a six-part series, do you?

More specifically I can tell you what it isn’t, in my experience: frequent washing, blow drying, loads of product, and fighting what my hair wants to do on any given day. That never ends well. Unhealthy, abused hair cannot work magic, so FFAF recommends keeping things simple and working towards a healthy, resilient mane, whatever your hair type.

Part One - Care & Maintenance:

queer hair care products


The key to minimal hair-washing is simple: Go as long as you can stand between washings without feeling gross. Shower twice a day if you feel like it, but pin your hair up. I personally start to feel gross on Day 3, but sometimes gross hair looks SUPER AMAZING and I make it to Day 4! Wow/Ew. Know when to draw the line and just wash your damn hair already.

Definitely check in with your hair to make sure you’re buying the right stuff for your hair type, and shampoo first thing in the shower so that your conditioner/deep conditioner (FFAF recommends weekly treatments) has plenty of time to work while you lather up, scrub down, shave, sing the latest Tegan & Sara jam, etc.

I bore easily and frequently change up shampoos, conditioners and deep conditioners, but tend to keep Lush solid shampoos and Davines’ Alchemic System (which is wonderful for preserving hair color integrity) in heavy rotation, pictured above. I’ve also had good luck with Salma Hayek’s Nuance line at CVS — the hair mask in a tube is cheap and works really well!


Fun fact: My wife uses Lush’s Squeaky Green religiously on her butch locks (but vehemently dislikes Tegan & Sara).


Because heat styling will jack your hair up and split ends are the worst, cut down on blow drying whenever possible and find a heat protectant to use regularly. An ideal version will protect strands, add shine and nourishment, and stand quietly in the wings while your hair soaks up the spotlight. In other words, it shouldn’t weigh things down. If this means switching up your routine so that you shower at night so it’s dry by morning, so be it.

TRESemme’s Heat Tamer Protective Spray ($5.49, CVS) is cheap and effective. CHI’s Keratin Mist ($10, Amazon) is also very good. Apparently, BBs now come in hair (shown above) and could be a genius option for queers of all stripes, but I’ve yet to jump that particular train.

Next time I’ll talk about the really embarrassing amount of hot tools I have in my hair arsenal.

Curious about the rest of the series? Here’s what you can expect:

  • Part Two: Hot Tools
  • Part Three: Everything Else (brushes, combs, pins, hair ninja tricks, etc.)
  • Part Four: Styling Products
  • Parts Five & Six: Q&A, Tutorials

Hit us up if you have any specific questions or requests for info in the meantime!



Follow FFAF: Tumblr | Website | Facebook