This is What Asexual Looks Like Part 7: "I don’t exist for your pleasure"
Hey everyone, welcome back!
I'm Yasmin Benoit, a British model, aromantic-asexuality activist, and the creator of the #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike campaign. The campaign began with the inception of this series, which I started in the hopes that I could use my platform — and Qwear's platform — to amplify the voices of other asexual people. I wanted to give the agency back to ace community so that we could represent ourselves, and show that there is no asexual way to look or dress. Through this series and the hashtag that has become so much more than that, we can increase asexual visibility, illustrate our diversity and dispel misconceptions about our community.
For the first edition of this series in 2021, I wanted to amplify the voices of some very talented aces that I’ve had the pleasure of encountering through social media!
Venus Envy (@venusenvydrag)
Let's kick things off with our favorite ace drag queen! I've been enthralled by Venus Envy after I saw her asexual-flag-inspired make-up looks on Twitter. The Florida-based performer identifies as a woman in and out of drag, and says that she has “never experienced sexual attraction, even romantic attraction is rare for me."
Steven (@steven_mckell)
Speaking of TikTok legends, Steven has racked up 2.5 million followers with his dance moves, impeccable bendiness and awesome sense of humour. The looks he serves are the icing on top of an ever-trending cake. The full-time social media star is from a "braw wee place" called Fife in Scotland and came out as asexual to his family when he was 24.
Via Perkins (@vialiveshere)
Via is a 29-year-old mixed-race woman who lives in Brooklyn who stood out to me on Instagram because of their truly badass haircut! She is a talented musician (check out her song Glitter on YouTube) who also works as a strategist for a diversity consultancy company. She primarily identifies as graysexual, but says that she has been "using demisexual and WTFsexual lately as well."
Kanetsu (@kanetsusp)
The YouTuber, Kanetsu, actually caught my eye on Instagram because of his impressive mustache game! At 37-year-old, he is quite new to the ace community. Raised in a small town in Italy, there wasn't much representation and sex was a taboo subject around peers and family. Consequently, "I never had the chance to even start to question myself. I kinda wish there was more pressure from them because maybe I would have figured out myself sooner." His "epiphany" came in 2020 after an asexual character was included – briefly but powerfully - in the second season of Sex Education. "I didn’t know you could be like that. It was like a part of me was not broken anymore, but still, asexuality is something I’m slowly starting to accept."
ZOZËY (@zozeyuk)
Zozëy is a 23-year-old agender, demi-romantic asexual artist and an ethereal musician. They felt like their asexuality became more obvious as they got older, and discovered the community at university before coming out a month later. "I feel like I know myself so much better now than I ever have before, and more than ever before I now feel confident enough in my identity to know that I am whole just as myself, and I don’t necessarily need a romantic relationship to feel complete.”
QueerKohl (@queerkohl)
From Appalachia to your Instagram feed, QueerKohl is a Black transgender, non-binary, panromantic asexual badass whose style I immediately vibed with. "My aesthetic is early 00s mall goth and the late-singer Aaliyah. Lots of Black, leather, spikes, fishnet, chains, etc. A lot of my looks are from BDSM fashion, which is surprising to people who assume asexual people don’t have kinks. We can."
If you want the chance to be featured in the next edition of the series, be sure to use the #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike hashtag and I’m likely to spot you!