Your Queer Guide To Last Minute/Free Halloween Costumes
Still don’t know what you’re going as for halloween? Is the number in your checking account just barely above the double digits? Rest assured, you can still pull together something adorable. Your last-minute queer halloween costume expert has some ideas for you. Yes, I don’t only deal with hair.
Do you own a blazer? Do you have short hair and want to pair it with jeans and glasses? Hello, Rachel Maddow! If you answered no to the last two questions because you’re feeling a femme-ier vibe or you’re rocking some long braids, then hello Melissa Harris-Perry! Bonus: Rock some tampon earrings, like so:
Double Bonus: get a friend to do these two costumes together with you, and you can live out the dream team.
We reported on a beautiful Rachel Maddow costume last year
Are you dating someone? Or going to a party with a friend? Grab some cardboard (if you are like me, there are empty cardboard boxes hiding all over your house; if not, liquor stores and grocery stores often let you take their extras for free) and an orange and black marker, draw a U-Haul truck, and do not leave your partner’s side all night.
Meme yourself! This costume also involves cardboard and some markers. Cut the cardboard into a big square frame that you can hold up in front of yourself. Draw the Youtube logo in the lop left, the control buttons on the bottom, and some fake video teasers on the right. Dress up as a cat or dog (this can be as simple as some paper ears and a nose and whiskers drawn on your face.) Do cute things all night! Say “I love you” over and over. Sit in a cardboard box. Ride around on a Roomba (if you have a really sturdy roomba).
If The Doctor doesn’t do it for you, there’s plenty of other opportunities for showcasing your bow ties: Blaine from Glee, Pee-Wee Herman (if you go to a house party, spend the entire night talking to a comfy armchair), Smithers and Moe from the Simpsons, and Bill Nye the Science Guy (this one works great if you have a lab coat, or don’t mind playing his theme song everywhere you go). If I run into a dozen Bill Nyes this Halloween, I will be the happiest 80s kid.
If you’re looking for a cheap and easy group costume, The Bluth family from Arrested Development is the way to go. They have something for everyone! I am certain a lot of you could look in your closet right now and immediately find a George Michael or Maeby, or Buster costume. If denim cutoffs and mustaches are your thing, you’ve got Tobias written all over you. If you prefer poorly delivered magic tricks (sorry, illusions), then Gob might be your guy.
Fun fact: I just gave away my Halloween costume somewhere in this post. Can you guess it?