Qweary: My Mom Wants Me to Wear Sexier Underwear

Kat asked: Recently my mom convinced me to purchase a slightly more sexy pair of underwear and a more sexy bra. Like lace and cutouts and such. I am asexual and no one else is going to see them except for me. My mom told me that even though no one will see it I should still feel sexy. For me. But I don’t feel good in them. Do you have any suggestions on how to convey this to her since she isn't listening to me?

We asked a few members of our team for advice. Here’s what they had to say!

Sonny says: Don’t let your mom’s interesting idea of healthy parenting deter you from your truth. You and only you know what clothes make you feel your best. Next time she tries to convince you to buy something you don’t want, put your foot down: “Thanks for the suggestion, but I’m going to get this one.” If she continues to argue with you, tell her it’s not up for debate. It’s your body and your underwear, and therefore, your choice.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your mom doesn’t want to listen to you, which means that no matter how hard you try to convey your needs, she may not respond the way you want. Hopefully, she will start to listen once she gets over whatever fear she has of asexuality. You can try getting her a book on it, or you could see if you have a local asexual community and see if she wants to attend an event with you and meet other ace people.

In the meantime, see if you can go shopping alone or with a friend and buy whatever kind of underwear you want.

Yasmin says:

Everyone should feel confident and comfortable in what they wear. If the lingerie is making you feel less comfortable then that completely defeats the point in wearing it, and it defeats what your mother is trying to achieve.

It sounds like she has good intentions and is trying to make you feel more confident in your appearance, but you need to explain to her that her efforts aren't working and that if she really wants to help then she has to change her approach.

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